My Point of View
by Weirdkid23
Summary: This how I believe Ellie views the world in certain scenes. First story, bad spelling, rated T for language.
1. Running Away

I had no idea where I was going, just getting away from him, from Joel, for a while.

He was going to leave me just like every one else in my life had, dumping me off on Tommy. His brother seemed nice enough given the fact that he and the other settlers didn't shoot us on sight. At least the situation didn't turn to _absolute _shit. Not at once though, that happened latter.

Veering off the road and onto a foot path, my mind just whirling. Why did Joel want to get rid of me? Was he afraid I would up like Sam, Tess, or Henry? Infected and/or blowing my brain out? That explanation didn't make sense though, he knew I was immune. He saw the bite months ago and he's seen me breath in spores like it nothing. No that wasn't it.

Then it hit me.

Sarah, the daughter he never told me about. Maria had shown me a picture of them together that Tommy had some how gotten a hold of. I hadn't been listening, just looking at that faded photo.

Sarah looked nothing like him, with her blonde hair and small angular face. She was holding some kind of trophy in hand and making some kind of sign with her other. The real thing my eyes had gone toward was Joel.

God, he looked so different. It was actually kind of alien to me to imagine how he looked before the world went to hell and back again.

He looked so young, no grey in his hair and only a creases near his eyes. The real thing though that threw me for a loop was that he was smiling. I never really had seen like that. Sure, his lips might twitch up if I told an actually funny joke, but not a full out smile.

It didn't matter though, he wanted me gone because he didn't want another little girl to die in front of him. Maria told me how she died. A soldier gunning down two people just because some one told him to. Just goes to show how fucked up the world already was.

My mind snapped back to reality when a bullet whizzed past my head. "Ahh, fuck."

Leaning farther over the horse's back, I kick him so we could get out of there faster so we wouldn't have to fight. Cursing myself, I looked back realized I really was thinking hard because we had jumped a fence.

Sitting up straight, I followed the trail until we reached some ranch. Leading the horse up to the porch I slid off and walked in.

It was surprised at how intact the place was in. None of the windows were even broken, none that I could at least. Stomping up the stairs and walking around led me to find a girl's room.

I found a journal and started flipping through it. _God this chick was fucking shallow,_ I found myself thinking. She was blathering on about whether some boy liked her, or how some movie would turn out or whether her new skirt would match her favorite shirt and whether she would have to get a new one if it didn't.

_Was this what Sarah had to worry about too?_ Those words began to float in my head. Her face again popped up.

I'd stolen the picture when Maria had her back turned, wonder how long it take them to realize that the picture was gone. Probably not until Tommy and I were long gone.

Joel had so much loss, just like me. He lost Sarah like I had lost Riley.

Riley. I miss her so much-

A faint crash floated up from down stairs, interrupting my thoughts, followed by my name being called out. So he had tracked me here. Go figure.

_Well let's get this fucking over with then. _"I'm up here!" I called out. I heaved out a sigh as heard Joel's heavy boots tromp up the stairs and I prepared myself for the conversation coming up. Either way, this most likely isn't going to go well.

I hoped for the best as the door creaked open in the corner of eye.


	2. Going to the Lakeside Resort

I really fucking hate snow.

I probably would have hung around the mall for a longer while if I knew it would start snowing this bad. But I left any way, the place brought back too many memories and not the warm, fuzzy good ones either. The screams of the Infected, her shattering pots, seeing the bite marks. Riley...

It had been awful, sitting together and to die, but at the same time kind of happy since they would die at the same time. It never came to be though. Riley turned and I didn't have the heart or courage to put my switchblade anywhere near her.

So I left.

I'd been crying, just waiting for my turn so I could be with her. Eventually it came up in my mind that I was never going to. I'd been waiting for what? Two, three days? Riley had turned last night so why hadn't I?

It was so fucking stupid. Everyone in my life has died because of the stupid fungus. So why did I have to live?

I knew the Fireflies were looking a cure. I could help find if I was actually immune... Just anything so I could feel less guilty for living when others always died.

Marlene didn't take it lightly when I showed up teeth marks on my arm and was even more angry when she found out about Riley. Some how after not turning and biting her face off during the next few days she and the others believed me.

The way she'd been talking about finding a cure, it was like Marlene had lost her pistol and found a fully loaded assault rifle instead. She explained that a group of them would take me to some place on the other side of the country, but needed smugglers to get me out the city first.

Smugglers. Joel.

"Get your head the fucking game Ellie," I said aloud. I really needed to stop all this deep thought shit, It was distracting me from what really mattered. Like how the hell was I going to keep Joel alive. I turned around on Callus. He was still on the sled, but had turned very pale.

I twisted the reins in my hands. The amount of blood that he'd lost... I'm surprised the old fucker was still alive, much less had managed to stand up and walk around for a little bit before falling off the horse. Literally.

Worry clawed at my stomach. I'd been forced to take medical classes when I was at the glorified military orphanage. Sure I could take care of some scratched and maybe small bullet wounds. But a nice rusty piece of rebar straight to gut?

I mentally cringe at the thought. I saw the hunter attack Joel, but didn't shot. They were wrestling each other for control and I didn't want to accidentally hit him. Those thoughts flew out the window when the railing broke. Seeing the tip of the rebar poking out of him, the ripping sound when I pulled him off...

I thrust the thoughts from my head. We needed to find shelter soon since it was becoming a full out blizzard. We'd only trudged about five miles from the mall, but Callus was already huffing from exhaustion.

Slightly panicking, a faint outline of some kind of sign came into sight about ten feet away. Proclaiming some kind of resort, I lead Callus in the directions of the arrow on the sign since on closer inspection it said that the place was less than a mile away. That made standing two inches away the sign worth it at least. I sighed as Callus struggled through the snow.

I was just hoping for some cover from the storm and maybe even a couple of walls to block the cold and wind.

I snorted. Fat chance for the places to be livable if they were still standing.

Surprisingly, there were quite a few houses, and I led Callus into the first garage I found and pulled the door down after us. After getting Joel in the house I paused to catch my breath. Dirty dishes were all over the counter and trash was piled in the corner. The windows were broken so it was still bone-freezing cold, but it was out of the wind at least.

Looking over at Joel, it was obvious he was bad off. He hadn't regained consciousness since he'd fallen off the horse outside the university, and he had still been bleeding while I was stitching him up with the kit I found in the helicopter.

I slid over to him and prepared to look at the wound again. It had been bad enough seeing the ragged holes once, let alone twice. Untying the rope and blanket and pulling up his shirt I looked at it.

It was a couple inches long with my clumsy stitches pulling the edges together, vivid bruises standing out on the surrounding skin. It was still oozing a little, red-brown shit with some other nasty looking stuff leaking out. Reaching out to my bag, digging around in it didn't help raise my spirits. Half a bottle of alcohol and a couple of rags. Shit.

We would need more if I didn't want it to get infected. Not the Cordyceps kind, but just as deadly.

I put some of the stuff on a rag and wiped the area around it. That cause Joel to show some signs of life by moaning and trying to move away.

"Sorry," I murmured. Sitting on my heels one thought kept bouncing around. _What am I going to do?_

* * *

**AN: I sadly have experience with impalement on rebar, having taken a piece to my upper thigh last year. I used some of my experiences like with the drainage (that shit really is nasty) along with some shots from the game to help. Hope you liked it and please review. **


	3. In the Bakery

What was taking Marlene so long? She'd brought me to this shithole hours ago for "safety" and then promptly left to "get some contacts to get us out of the city." Nothing since then. Just me in what looked like a place that sold food from the cases in the counter.

For amusement, I imagined what the place looked like before Hell came for a permanent vacation. Brightly colored paper on the walls... Okay, already too cheery and kinda freaky.

Sitting near the door in the back, I brought out my switchblade and looked at it, wiping the blade on my jeans to try to dislodge some of the grime that always seemed to be on the blade.

Just three weeks ago I'd plunged it into an Infected to save Riley, only to realize that it was too late. To see the blood drip down my arm and her hand, I lost it for a while.

Finding a pipe on the ground I went around the entire room and broke everything in there, crying and swearing progressively louder until I was smashing flowerpots near Riley screaming fuck over and over again until I couldn't do it any more before chucking it and sitting next to her.

I still remember it, _"You know we can be all poetic and just lose our minds together."_

She had lost her mind. I watched her turn and didn't do a damn thing.

_Stop doing this to your self Ellie, it won't help, _a little voice in my mind said. It was right, mulling over it wouldn't help, but the guilt still hung around.

It never left, it just hung around my head like a cloud of spores, and was just as painful. Every time it successfully was shoved to the back of my mind, at the first chance it would come roaring back and remind me _every single time _just what happened to Riley until it felt like my stomach would crawl out my mouth and my head would go up like a Molotov. It just so damn painful.

When Marlene finally figured I was immune, she started babbling about finally finding a cure. Frankly, I didn't care about the cure. I just wanted to feel better about living when others didn't. To make sure that others didn't go through what I had.

But getting a cure wouldn't bring her back. Nothing would.

Our final hours together. We just walked around the mall holding hands. We'd already got our backpacks from the ground where we threw them and I grabbed my Walkman. It had broke, but hadn't cared at the time, I wouldn't need it anymore.

She had picked up her pendant from where she had tossed it when she decided to stay. Looking at it, her face filled with disgust and threw away again, pitching it across the store. I tried to comfort her but she snapped back at me.

We just walked after that. Through the arcade, past the turny thing with horses, and by the cars we had chucked bricks at.

The infection had been kind to her, she turned after only about six or seven hours. The look on her face when she told me to leave, so I could still remember when she had been alive.

I cried.

How a single little knife could bring back a torrent of my worst memories. Trying to think happy things again, I looked around the food-store again, lettering on the windows said it was a bakery. That explained the bright colored wallpaper. I checked out the cases again, making up images of what the display looked like with its pretty little sweets. Wonder what they tasted like.

A scraping noise came from the door next to me, snapping me out of my thoughts. Jumping up, the sound of multiple voices and footsteps came from the other side.

Marlene asking for help floated from behind the heavy frame. People were with her and her voice was strained, something was off. I prepared myself and stood a little distance away as the door finally swung open and people came through.

* * *

**AN: This took way longer than necessary for this little blather. School started and I was too lazy to write. If you couldn't figure it out, this is just before Ellie meets Joel and Tess. **

**I'm taking suggestions now, because I'm too lazy to think of new ones, HOWEVER! I will not do cutscenes just yet, along with action scenes. Please review and enjoy.**


	4. North Tunnel

**Probably should have put this by now, but I don't own the Last of Us, not even a copy of the game sadly. The rights go to Naughty Dog, because they are flat out awesome.**

* * *

He'd been sleeping for a while now, twitching and muttering from the couch. What had Marlene and the other woman called him? John? Joe?

No, Joel. Marlene had called him that, along with the woman who had gone with her to see the weapons. Why they wanted the weapons so badly was a little beyond me, they seemed like good smugglers to get their hands on more, or at least the lady could.

It had been obvious that she was the one in charge, the way Joel had stood behind her at the bakery and listened to her when she told him to take me to the "north tunnel".

Looking around the apartment, it looked nothing like a tunnel so far. It was clean enough, none of the windows were broken, the couch Joel was lying on wasn't to badly decayed and there was a night stand in the corner.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I opened the top drawer and a sheet of paper was in there. It was list of stuff they had gotten in with the help of some one named Bill. Kevlar vests, morphine... Man these people were good. Nothing else on there really, but it did confirm that the man's name was Joel, but not the woman's name.

I looked over at him. The first thing that came to mind was... old. His hair was streaked with grey and lines were mapped around his eyes and mouth. He was some where around the fifty mark, that was obvious enough. He gave a particularly violent twitch and muttered what sounded like a name but he didn't wake up.

Not to mention, why was he wearing that watch? It was clearly broken, with a small hole in the crystal face with fracture lines radiating out from it, turning opaque with years of grime. Had some one before the outbreak given it to him, and he just kept it out of habit despite the fact it would never work again?

I snorted at my self. It didn't matter, he and the woman would take me to the Capitol Building, hand me off, and I would never see them again. I'm kinda glad about that actually. Joel acted like he wanted nothing to do with me.

I flopped down in a chair by the window. We were finally going to the Fireflies. Out west and away from Boston, from the memories. An urge to pull up my sleeve popped up, but I didn't. If he woke up, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't hesitate to blow my brain out.

The bite had healed over now, with little dents where the teeth had ripped into my forearm and raised bumps from little fungi sprouting next to them. I'd have rather worn short sleeves, but I refused to wear my tank top since the mall, and I have to cover up the fucking thing too. I prefer to keep my head in one piece.

Would they find a cure with the shitty stuff in my arm?

I hope so, 'cause I just want the guilt to go away. The Fireflies have to, they _have_ to find a cure, and I will help them. Even if means traveling all the way to the other side of the country with some stranger. Maybe I'll be able to go to L.A. and surf on the beach.

But not without her, it wouldn't have be fair. She wanted to go just as much as I did, probably even more, and I couldn't do that to her even if she isn't around any more. And the there's the ugly fact that I can't swim worth a damn.

I sighed, pulling my knees up and resting my chin on them. Distant thunder rolled through, getting a grunt out of Joel.

Looking through the window it didn't look like it was going to rain, but the apartment was facing east. And it was getting darker out too as the sun set.

I've been to other zones, but in between I'd been locked in a bus. Seeing how close to the fence we were, I was surprised at how dark it was. Sure the lights didn't run 24/7, and candles never lasted long, but there had always been light. Not out there though. Just pitch black.

Look for the light. It made a bit more sense now.

Rain started pattering against the windows, just a couple drops rolling down here there. I amused myself by pretending they were racing, cheering on the drop I was rooting for and booing if it lost. Sadly though, the rain started falling a just a _little _too hard to keep track of the drops and I resorted to just looking out again.

The sun was definitely down by now, and the darkness outside the fence was some how getting even more so. What was out there? It couldn't be worse than here, have soldiers breathing down your neck every day, people getting shot, people disappearing. It just couldn't. I won't let it.

* * *

**AN: Yet again, too lazy to update until now. Unsurprisingly, this is really hard. Ellie is a really complex character and I don't want her to be OoC.**

**Please review, leave a suggestion if you want: PLEASE no cutscenes or action sequences. I want the story to be sort of canon, and I really don't have the patience to look up all the dialogue.**


	5. The Photograph

When Maria handed me the picture, I wasn't sure what to expect. She seemed to be very nice, taking me to the mess hall to get some food so I wouldn't have to shoot a squirrel. That alone was enough, because I frankly didn't want to waste a bullet if I ended up missing.

We had gotten our food and she began asking questions. "Where are you going? Why are you with Joel?" We were asked the same things every time we meet some one and hung around a while.

I gave the generic answers. "Joel promised some one to take me to out here when they couldn't."

Maria raised an eyebrow. "Why couldn't they?"

I shrugged, "The zone's kind of hard to get out of. They got injured and they got Joel to promise."

Maria probably sensed from my tone that she was getting into some topics that weren't too good to talk about just yet. That was great, the prying ones were always extremely annoying and sooner or later Joel would tell them off or flat out knock them unconscious and leave. If they some how found us again, (that happened once) he just shot them.

Maria instead asked about how Boston was, where we had traveled through, and what we both liked.

I'd fished out my pun book when Maria said it. "You must remind Joel so much of her."

That confused me for a moment. "Remind him of who?" It wasn't Tess. As far as I know, she didn't know Tess existed.

The smile melted off and her face looked at the same time sad and guilty. "He hadn't told you?"

I shook my head, "We agreed early on that we wouldn't talk about our pasts. Among other things." I rubbed my nose and looked away.

Maria looked dumbstruck. "Oh." That was the only thing she said for the rest of the meal. I kept wondering. Who was she talking about? Some little girl that had been in Joel's life pre- Infected shit storm? A niece from another brother or sister?

When we finished, Maria dropped off our plates. She motioned for me to get to get up and follow her. "C'mon, I wanna show you something."

I jogged to catch up to her. She seemed determined to show me this because she was practically running. Crossing over a catwalk, we arrived in a building with bunks pushed against a wall. Marching over to a bag on a table, she rifled through some of the side pockets before pulling out a small slip of paper. A photograph. She lifted up her arm and waited for me to take it from her. When I did, it blindsided me.

I didn't recognize him at first. The picture was clearly old, there were cracks, pieces had flaked off, and a small stain discolored part of the background. After staring at if for a few seconds in confusion, it hit me like a fucking train.

His beard was smaller and there wasn't any grey peppering his hair, and the wrinkles were non-existent. This had been Joel twenty years ago and he couldn't look more different. Then there was the girl.

She looked so small, especially with Joel's arm around her (even back then he'd had some muscles), a striped jersey, trophy in hand, with a proud smile on her face. I looked at Maria, my expression asking everything.

She'd been chewing her lip, gauging my reaction. Her face heavy she opened her mouth. "That's Sarah. She was his daughter."

My mouth fell open. _Joel was a father?! _It didn't seem believable. His temper could scare off any hunter, he'd killed more men then I'd ever meet, and was... well, a robot. He never seemed to feel anything beyond anger, sadness, and apathy. A small voice spoke in the back of my mind, _maybe he went that way __**because**__ of her._

Getting my voice to work again I croaked out, "what happened?"

Maria seemed to take a deep breath and steel herself. "She was shot by a soldier. Twelve fucking years old and she gets shot and dies in her father's arms." she shook her head. "Just goes to show how fucked up our society was before it all went down."

I looked down at it again. She looked so happy, and so did he. Joel was actually smiling, something that never happened now, no matter how hard I tried. The closest I got was that soap joke I told in that bookstore back in Pittsburgh. And I'm probably never going to either.

"That'd been taken a few months before. It'd been hanging up in her bedroom and Tommy had gotten it when he'd gone back to Joel's old house..." Maria had been talking but I tuned her out.

I studied it closer. They looked nothing a like. She was all blonde hair, narrow face, and sharp features. I couldn't tell the color of her eyes, but it didn't look like they matched Joel's muddy green.

Maria sighed and patted my shoulder, bringing me down to Earth. "Come on, let's get back to the mess hall. When the boys are done they'll look for us there." Maria turned around and headed to the door.

I glanced around to make sure no one was looking and stuffed it in my pocket. Joel had a daughter and he never told me. So much made sense, why he saw that "dumb teen movie", the distance, and something Tess had said at the beginning. "I get it."

She knew. And so do I now. He and I are going to have a talk one day. I want to know about Sarah, and if I'm feeling generous, he might get some Riley.

My stomach clenched at that, after I ran to catch up with Maria. No, not Riley, not yet. But I wanted to know why he kept that bottled up for so long.

I wanted to know, and I damn well wanted an explanation.

* * *

**AN: Thanks to users Astern and niddur for suggesting this.**

**As usual, review and leave a suggestion: NO CUTSCENES, not yet. I lack patience to look up dialogue. **


	6. Coming Back Around

The scariest part had been his face. That mixture of anger, fear, and sadness as he told me I was on some "mighty thin ice here" for mentioning Sarah.

It became immediately obvious that even though she had died twenty years ago, Joel still hadn't gotten over the little girl's death. Stupidly I had pressed on. "I'm sorry about your daughter Joel, but I have lost people too."

"You have not idea what loss is." he had said to that.

That stupid, bullheaded man. Who in this world hadn't lost some one? He had his daughter die in his arms. I watched my more than a best friend go insane and turn.

It had been hell to watch Riley deal with it. Her anger surfacing in random ways over nothing. A fallen brick in her way, walking too slow, chucking her pendant across the room before retrieving it. And doing it again until she finally left it alone.

When she felt it was close she tried to send me away. I stayed and watched. The fungus sprouting across her face, her clear eyes clouding over and reddening... God it was awful. Hopefully some soldier by now has put her out of her misery. The fact that she could be dead by now didn't help though.

I changed tactics with him. Saying how everyone had always died or left me alone. He hadn't and now he was. I hadn't felt safe with any one in long time and now he wanted to take that away. If Joel left, I would lose that feeling. Not quite safety, but something close to it.

It didn't work. I could see his jaw working before the words fell like anvils from his mouth. "You're right. You're not my daughter, and I sure as hell ain't you're dad. And we are going our separate ways." His voice scraped along, like the words were being dragged out by force.

I was saved by Tommy bursting through the door announcing bandits had followed us. The brothers quickly stood on each side of the open door. I stood on Tommy's side. Might as well get used to that as soon as I could.

Joel crept out of the room, quietly padding along, Tommy following close behind. I sighed and got up after them.

* * *

The final gunshot rang out from Joel's pistol, the bullet striking the man in the head before he finally rag dolled and fell to the floor. My ears pricked up, listening for any more snippets of conversation or footsteps. Silence. Finally.

"Alright... house is clear," Joel announced to us.

"Let's get back to the horses," Tommy said.

My gut wrenched. In less than an hour I would be saying good-bye, or try to at least. Or not at all, I don't know if he deserves one.

Joel carefully opened the door, lifting up his shotgun and sweeping the area before giving us the all clear. Joel stopped just before the steps while Tommy went down and to the horse next to mine. Going down the steps I had to walk by him, and I made a point to not look at him. Bounding down, I looped around the horse Tommy was using to get to the one I'd stolen.

"You want a hand up?" he offered from behind.

"I got it."

_I'm pretty sure I know how to mount a horse. I mean I got here myself thank you very much_. But I didn't say that out loud, I knew he was only trying to help.

Tommy lead the way the way out while his brother fell into step behind me. Neither one of them said anything which was fine by me because I wanted to think.

The conversation we had in that girl's room kept floating around, the way he said some things and how I might have been able to have changed his mind if I had said something different.

Two things kept coming around. _You have no idea what loss is._ It had probably been a spur of the moment thing to say, but it still hurt.

_I trust him better than I trust myself. _I may be thinking too deep into this, but maybe that's the reason why. Joel simply doesn't want another dead girl on his hands if I do die. By then I was in Depressing-Thoughts Town and there was no going back for a while.

Eventually the trail widened out and Joel went up ahead on my left and we reached a place over looking where Tommy's settlement. I was struck by how pretty the sunset made everything, giving everything a soft red glow. We all stopped our horses at the edge and just took in the scene for a few moments.

"There she is. Kids'll be watching movies tonight." Tommy said. I shifted forward in my saddle and looked down. _Wonder what it's like to be able to do that,_ I thought.

"Where is this lab of theirs?" Joel asked after a few seconds of silence.

"All the way out- University of Eastern Colorado," replied Tommy.

"Go Big Horns."

This seemed to be a little funny to Tommy since he gave snort of amusement.

Then came the words I'd been hoping he'd say in some form. "Ellie, get off your horse, give it on back to Tommy. I'm gonna hang on to this fella, if that's all right with you." When I had moved he looked back and gestured for me to move while saying, "Go on, don't make me repeat myself."

While I hopped off, Tommy asked Joel what he was doing, to which he said that he was scared of Maria and didn't want her coming after him. The note of humor in his voice belied that though.

When I handed him the reins, I apologized for stealing one of his horses. All he asked was at least we went back to Jackson to discuss it at least.

"Eh, you know me. My minds all made up," was all Joel said to that as he helped me up. I settled behind him as he asked Tommy how to find the lab.

"It's in the science building, looks like a giant mirror, you can't miss it."

_How does a building look a mirror?_ My imagination conjured up a block of glass that reflected everything around. It was a bit amusing, but I forced my mind back to the current conversation.

"You take care of that wife of yours," Joel was telling Tommy.

He seemed to consider that for a second before saying, "There's a place for you here, you know."

Joel hadn't been clear about what went down between them, only that they hated each other when they saw. Maybe it was starting to mend a bit.

"You good?" Joel asked, turning to look at me.

"I'm good," I said back with a faint smile. More than good really.

Joel faced his brother and with a sense of some finality he said, "Adios little brother." And before Tommy could say anything else to deter him, Joel turned the horse away and egged him forward.

I couldn't be happier to be leaving with Joel.

* * *

**AN: Sorry to rob you of an action sequence, but it sucked so I cut it out.**

**I was originally going to write something else but I came upon the disease of Writer's Block so I knocked this out instead. Don't worry, I'll put that out at some point.**

**This is one of my favorite scenes and it turned a bit fluffy in my opinion at the end. Oh well.**

**Leave a review and request please.**


	7. After They Go

**AN: Quick warning, Ellie thinks about religion in this and some thoughts aren't exactly flattering.**

* * *

Four days ago. Had it really only been four days? Four days since Sam turned and Henry blew his brains out? At some points it felt like it happened decades ago, and others just a couple minutes. Time always had been skewed for me.

I kept going over the conversation I had with Sam, tearing every word apart looking for meaning and/or some type of warning of what was to come. It wasn't as hard as I expected. In hindsight our conversation had a bunch of red flags.

The most obvious and glaring one was when he questioned if the people inside of the Infected were trapped in there, unable to control their actions. _I'm scared of that happening to me..._

And what had I said to that? Bullshit about how we're all a team now and we're going to help each other out. Plus the nice tid-bit about the person not being there any more. Yep, I'm _real_ comforting.

Especially when I next said didn't really believe in heaven either. Sam hadn't believed too it turned out so it softened the blow (in my mind at least). Could you blame us for not believing in this hell? Friends turning, people getting shot or starving, clickers (or rather all the Infected)... I'd heard some of the soldiers talking about it back in the QZ, saying stuff about something called a bible and church. As I learned more about religion, the more I was confused. How was the world made in six days? Are we all related to two people who were kicked out of a garden for eating an apple? It just seemed a bit off. And heaven, a place of eternal paradise because you lived without sin, and if you failed the entrance exam you were sent to eternal damnation. Sounds fucking peachy.

But when Joel and I were standing over their graves, I couldn't help but hope there was a place for them to go to. Neither one of them deserved to die, but then again, who does but the most deranged and sickest of them (I met one them later on this journey and I will never get him out of my mind).

Before we dug the holes we went through the radio station and took what supplies we could. In the room where Sam had been, the robot was on the ground next to the desk. Picking it up, I just stood there for about half a minute before slipping it in my bag. Sam didn't get it then, but he should get it now at least.

Eventually, Joel just sighed and said we should go. I didn't argue. Just more people dying because of some stupid shitty fungus/virus thingy. I knew I was kidding myself, I was already starting to care for them despite knowing them for around what? One, two days? But just anything to feel any better.

Back to the now, four days later, we traveled out of civilization completely and were moving by west through the back roads. When I asked why, Joel just muttered about encountering less people. Now we were just sitting opposite each other by our fire. I was tired of walking already, but the only working vehicles were miles away in others QZs with the military.

I was tired of thinking about it, but my mind kept forcing me back to it. Sam clawing for my face, the gunshot and him going limp above me, Joel trying to get the gun from Henry, Henry raising the gun and pulling the trigger before rag-dolling as well.

I understood why Henry committed suicide, but that didn't make it any easier. Another memory floated by, this time I was in a bathroom in Pittsburgh with Joel. Two bodies in a bathtub, blood and other stuff floating around them and Joel saying it wasn't it easy. Based on the way he said it, he probably thought about or even tried to kill himself but couldn't.

Sitting there, I wanted nothing more than to get to the Fireflies now, and feeling that it better be damn worth it.

* * *

**AN: I was being lazy and some of you wanted the aftermath of Sam and Henry so here. About the religion thing, in my head Ellie wasn't really exposed to it when she was younger so some of the ideas in the Bible might seem ridiculous to her (probably doesn't help that I'm also agnostic).**

**You know what to do, leave a review and a request.**


End file.
